They never told you

Trigger Warning: No violent context, but some experiences may trigger more powerful instances.

They told me boys were friends with boys and girls were friends with girls. That boys had cooties and girls were better.

They even told me (when I did not even understand what it meant) never to let a man use me or take advantage of me. They told me not to sleep with a man and end up with a child or a disease I did not want.

They never told me how when I finally began to make male friends, how we were expected to like each other because of our gender.

They never told me that I would have crushes on girls too, and that was normal.

They never told me how disappointing my first kiss would be, and how infatuation was the only emotion I would desire in my teen years.

They never told me how real love would feel, and how loving someone for whatever reason inevitably equated to guilt tripping conversations about going to bed.

They told me I was weird for masturbating, and gave me strange looks at how comfortable I was with my sexuality.

I did not understand why people would be ashamed by their sexuality.

They never told me how dirty I would feel for loving with my mouth.
They never told me I felt dirty not because of the act, but because of the pressure behind it.

They never told me how used I would feel when you would take me home after you finished if we ever saw each other.

You never told me that if I'm not ready then I don't have to.

They did not tell me that my body belongs to me and I do what I want with it. Regardless of how much I tried to explain it.

They never told me how grateful I would be when my next partner did not pressure me at all in any sexual manner.

They never told me that he would want me to shave myself like a child but not do the same.

They never told me the unbearable itching sensation that came with shaving.

They never told me that in all my acts in pleasing you and requests to be pleased the same, that you did not have to do the same.

They did not tell me that I would still be grateful because there was somebody out there who would not pressure me in the way I was raised to expect.

They did not tell me not to put a time limit on things, and not to compare my experiences to others.

They did not tell me men would make "bets" about me losing my virginity.
They did not tell me in these bets, that if I "lost" then they win having sex with me.

They did not tell me men would not want to be with me if I were with a certain number of men, regardless of how many women they have been with.

They told me that once men weren't virgins, that they could not abstain in any future relationships.

They didn't tell me that I would make excuses for men who had to sleep with me in order to be in a healthy relationship with me.

They never told me what pleasure would be like.

They never told me I would be surprised for not feeling guilty after my first time.

They never told you that it is unhealthy to sleep with somebody because they've asked you enough times.

They never told me what a healthy sexual relationship was like.

They never told you that faking it does not help you or your partner.

They never told me that men and women can be platonic friends.

They never told me to fear for male friends in college, instead, it came naturally due to the socialized fear that men are predators who only want to be with me sexually and could not just be a friend.

They never told me that other people would judge me for my personal choices.

They never told me that virginity is a social construct.

They never told me my second sexual partner would be a terrible partner.
They never told me that's perfectly okay and doesn't mean jack shit.

They never told me I would care so much about other women's sexual experiences and wish to support them.

They told me that love and sex are very different, but if you're lucky you can have both. And if you're lucky you can also just have one because both are perfectly beautiful on their own.

I don't know what else to say. These are my experiences and experiences of those I have heard of.

Thank you.